“Don’t say that I “owe you” just because I sobered up and changed my mind. Don’t say you “know girls like me” and with my “reputation,” this shouldn’t be anything new. Don’t force me to do it and tell me “it’s only fair.”
Because what’s not fair is the moment three months later when I’m in bed with someone I actually care about but can’t go any further because of what you did. It’s not fair that my whole body shakes, my lungs burn for air, and the only words I can say are “no,” “stop,” and “don’t.” It’s not fair that I already fear the man I love before he even touches my skin because you decided to take what was “fair” from me.
I hate you. I hate that three months, three years, later I’m still affected by that moment. I hate that he thinks he hurt me when it was really you all along. I hate that I still feel your touch lingering in the darkness of the night just when I think I’ve finally outrun all my demons.
And I hope one day you realize the hell you put me through and that the guilt never leaves your heart like that moment never leaves mine. I mean, it’s only fair, right?”